For the past couple of weeks, I've been posting up on this blog quite consistently. But when I looked back today, I found that most of my posts were quotes or really short comments on some articles, or books, if not just links to them.
I only posted those links and quotes because I found them helpful, insightful, and thought they were something worth reading about. And I hope those people who read my blog (I know there are only a handful at the moment) would actually take time to go and read them and benefit from those.
However, for myself, I was not quite satisfied with those posts I put up recently. The biggest motive in starting up this blog was to have a meditative life myself and use this space as a place of confession, questions, recommendations, in the hope that it may prove to be an encouragement to my fellow Christians everywhere and even to myself when I feel like I'm lost in darkness.
I know I have put up some light-hearted, funny posts a couple of times and some technology related articles, but I think they are fine. At least they are things I had experienced and they can be part of my confession to my Creator in my creativity and encouragement to my friends. But I have been only able to copy some quotes from books, or link to some articles I read online lately, without being able to put in some of my own thoughts. While I am happy with myself having tried to post up something more consistently (which helped me being a little bit more self-disciplined), I do not feel that I have lived a meditative life. I have been collecting information, and thought about what the articles and books said even, but it was only very short lived.
I first thought that it was because I did not put in enough time and efforts to really reflect on what I was reading and how I lived the day. I think those are part of the reason, often I distracted myself with worldly interests and temporary pleasures. But the main reason my Lord was willing to gently reveal to me tonight was this: that I neglected prayer and reading of the Bible.
Is that shocking to you? Those of you who know me might have thought I would never neglect such important things in life and faith, but I am sorry, you must've been misled by my ever-increasingly skilful play that I stage whenever I am around others.
It almost seems obvious that I did not have anything to say about what I was reading and seeing throughout the day. I was running dry. Those books and articles were definitely helpful, but I have been neglecting to have conversation with the Author and Perfecter of our Faith through prayer and reading the Bible.
So, help me God, that I may repent and live. Oh, how dreadful it is to live without the deep conversations with my loving Creator.
And, friends, help me to put in time and effort firstly to put my faith in order before I make a big deal out of someone else's and/or other aspects of my life.