What I haven't realised till recently, was that I believe in a sovereign God.
Not that the sovereignty of God was a new thing to me, but I failed to see an aspect of it.
I believe in the sovereignty of God and I have been taking and do take great comfort from the fact that He is in control of all things including my life. But most often, my vision was only on the eternity in the future. I was only trying to take comfort of knowing sovereign God who has elected me out of His own pleasure, and will not fail to take me home one day. When I learned this a few years ago, it was a kind of revolution in my spiritual life. It really did not lie within my power to save myself, but all is done by God's grace and I am eternally thankful and can be reassured of His unfailing purposes. It was magnificent salvation, God was majestic in His total, sovereign rule.
Yet, how foolish and slow is my heart, that it escaped me, that God is sovereign not only in the grand scheme of salvation of His people, but while I live on this earth, on this 4th of October, 2010, He is involved in my life, He is not losing any sight on what is going on in my life, He does protect me, and guard my steps. He knows what I am fearful of, what I am worried about, what I am capable of at this moment, what are my weaknesses, physically, and spiritually, relationally, and intellectually. In all things, He has not lost touch with any thing.
So I ask myself, what am I so afraid of?
I do not know what tomorrow will bring.
I do not know where God is going to take me and my family, and my church.
I don't know what's going to cost me.
I have been disappointed many times in the past with what had happened around me, whether that be personal relationships, sufferings of close family members, or some kind of heart-aching, desperate situation at church.
While I acknowledged that all these happened for a purpose and God had His gracious hand in these, I am still quite a skeptic and a cynic, while desperately trying to control this fear within me whenever some changes are on the horizon.
But, the question I need to come back to is this.
Do I believe in God who is absolutely sovereign?
The God who reigns over the rise and fall of empires over the history of the human race.
The God who is in control of where rain would fall and Sun would shine.
The God who decides where and when a new star is to be born, and an old star destroyed.
The God who chose a man out of idol-filled nation, and brought through that one old man, a multitude of God worshippers and ultimately, the promised Messiah, His only Son.
The God who throughout the two millennia, against all imaginable odds, protected, nurtured, and renewed church to carry out His mission with the gospel of grace.
This grand God is also the God who is in charge of which sparrow would fall to the ground, and numbers the hair on our head. (Matthew 10:29-31)
So Jesus told us:
“Therefore I tell you, do not be anxious about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink, nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing? Look at the birds of the air: they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they? And which of you by being anxious can add a single hour to his span of life? And why are you anxious about clothing? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin, yet I tell you, even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these. But if God so clothes the grass of the field, which today is alive and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? Therefore do not be anxious, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ For the Gentiles seek after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them all. But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you. (Matthew 6:25-33)I am not fearless. I am not completely worry-less. I am one of whom Jesus here calls, "you of little faith." I do not have a great faith. But I know this great God. So I will, by His grace, stand and face uncertainties in life. And when all things are over and done with, no tongue would praise my strength as if I got myself through it all, but only God's sustaining power be known and His Name be exalted high.