Oh, God, I don't love you, I don't even want to love you, but I want to want to love you!
-- Teresa of Avila
How do I go on living when all my hopes, as falsely based as they are, fade away from me, and when all my dreams, as selfish as they are, shatter and fall, and when I am left with only despair and terror which, as unreal as they are, petrifies me.
Oh, shall I read my way out of this? Shall I sing my way out of this? Will I even see a way out? Will it be the right way out?
Woe to me who despair. Woe to me who is entrapped in selfish desires. Woe to me who dislikes a cup from God.
Deliver me from fear and regrets for I am tormented, God. When shall I see your face? When shall I find peace?
Oh, will you not rescue me? Will you not shorten the days of suffering? How long will you continue ignoring my plea?
Praise to God the Righteous One. Praise Him who saw me and woven me in my mother's womb. Praise Him who knows my limits and my rotten heart. Praise Him who faced all temptations as I do and yet was without sin. Praise Him who will not lose a sheep of His own. Praise Him who promised to return and restore. Praise Him who shall one day call me home, but until then will guard me and guide me. Praise God the Righteous One.