Fear of men and unbelief

For Jews demand signs and Greeks seek wisdom, but we preach Christ crucified, a stumbling block to Jews and folly to Gentiles, but to those who are called, both Jews and Greeks, Christ the power of God and the wisdom of God.
- 1 Corinthians 1:22-24

I realised that I didn't really believe this. I kept on hoping to persuade a non-Christian by showing how reasonable and intelligent Christian faith is. I was trying to make sure that the hearer understood that I was no fool by anyone's standard. I was giving so much effort into presenting the Christian faith in a way that sounds smart and reasonable. I was hoping that they wouldn't classify me as one of those "crazy Evangelicals" on TV, or fanatical Muslims, or ridiculously religious looking Hindus, and so on. I just didn't want to look foolish.

I foolish I have been indeed.

Faith in Jesus actually is the most beneficial, smartest, wisest decision anyone could make, but to outsiders, it'll never look that way. And the bible so plainly says so. What have I been trying to do all this while?

It was my insecurity and fear of men. It was my unbelief in the power of God in the gospel of Jesus. It crippled me in preaching the gospel, and robbed me of the joy and confidence in God's power. Instead, just as I feared, my arguments only fell to the ground and didn't penetrate the hearers' conscience or logic. I tried. I failed. Thank God I failed, otherwise I might have boasted in my "evangelism."

Oh, save me, Lord, from my idols of reputation and acceptance before men. May I be like those apostles who rejoiced when they were flogged because they were counted worthy of suffering for the Name of Lord (Acts 5:41). May I be secure in what You say, that I am your beloved son and you count me as pure and blameless, washed spotless. May I trust in Jesus instead of trusting in my logical arguments. May I find peace and acceptance in God through Jesus rather than seeking the approval of men. Save me or I die, Lord.